So I'm making a game...

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So I'm making a game...

by Yago » Sun Dec 01, 2013 7:39 pm

And FINISHING that game is my biggest dream. (I had another one but it was shattered last year, so yeah.) But it's a quite big project and won't be finished (if at all finished) for probably 6-7 years because I'll need to study computer engineering at the same time. But enough about that: I'm here to share an excerpt from its incomplete story. Please read on (it's not as long as it looks) and tell me what you think (feedback is important)!

Here is a picture of Fernakk, Vali and Nâr'jan from left to right:
Image

Fernakk pokes a small fire, with Nâr'jan sitting near by.

NÂR'JAN: What do you mean you didn't bring a frying pan?!
FERNAKK: How was I supposed to know that frying pans are so useful? I'm an ignored prince, not a cook's apprentice. Besides, weren't you supposed to bring rabbits instead of eggs?
NÂR'JAN: But it had babies! I couldn't do it!
FERNAKK: Eggs are worse! They aren't even babies yet!
NÂR'JAN: Eggs don't feel pain.
FERNAKK: *sighs*
NÂR'JAN: I DID catch a rabbit.
FERNAKK: Okay.
NÂR'JAN: ..You don't believe me, do you?
FERNAKK: No.
VALI: (OS) Breakfast, ho! Also lunch and quite possibly, dinner!

He appears from behind the bushes, holding the three cups on his sword as a tray and dragging a dead boar from its tail. The scene switches to the group having breakfast.

VALI: So. Nâr'jan. That's an unusual name. Where are you from?
NÂR'JAN: I don't know. My Ferssi father says he found me in these forests when I was no more than 4. He adopted me, and taught his trade. Turns out, I have a knack for alchemy.
FERNAKK: You were a wildling in Solkhora, your step-father is Ferssi and you have red hair. What a combination.
NÂR'JAN: Yeah, about my hair.. I've never seen anyone else who has red hair. Have you?
VALI: No, and believe me, I've seen a lot of people. Maybe a mutation caused your hair colour.
NÂR'JAN: A what?
VALI: A mutation. An accident in the miniscule sugar-based structures in your body that determines your physical features, such as height, eye colour, hair colour, skin colour and so on.

Vali wonders why the other two are looking at him like that as he takes another bite of the boar leg he's holding.

FERNAKK: How do you know all that?
VALI: I am a scholar. Or rather, used to be. That was a long time ago.
FERNAKK: Really?
NÂR'JAN: "Long time ago".. Right, you never told me how you lived this long..
VALI: Actually.. Whenever I think about that, my mind snaps back. Does that happen to you? It's like that my mind is forcing me to think of something else.
NÂR'JAN: Yeah, it happens every now and then, but never when I'm thinking about important stuff.
VALI: Because of this, I can't think of why I don't age, or things that happened VERY long ago.. Even if I know that I still have the memories, I can't.. access them.

A brief silence.

FERNAKK: Wait a moment, now! Yesterday, you only told me that you don't know and care! Why didn't you give me this deep explanation then?
VALI: Well, your eyes are hardly as captivating as today's inquirer.

Nâr'jan is flustered.

FERNAKK: That.. wasn't smooth.
VALI: Give me a break! I haven't flirted with anyone for almost a century!
FERNAKK: *sigh* So what's the plan now?
VALI: We still have to get to Nearum, but first, we have to escort Nâr'jan to Knissia.
FERNAKK: That's where you were headed, right?
NÂR'JAN: Yes. And... thank you. You didn't have to do this.
VALI: Of course we did! How else is Sir Never-Flirted-Before going to call himself an adventurer if he doesn't help people every now and then?
FERNAKK: What.. How..
VALI: *takes one last bite* Okay, let's get moving.

The trio leave the rest of the not-so-portable boar, and head north to find the path they should be on.


Here's the link to the first 8 chapters of the story (I won't be uploading any more chapters) http://yagothefrood.deviantart.com/gallery/45822124
The first parts are written in a theatre-like manner, but it slowly switches to a more book-like style as the story goes on.
Last edited by Yago on Sun Dec 01, 2013 8:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: So I'm making a game...

by SilasLock » Sun Dec 01, 2013 7:54 pm

Interesting. So, this is the first time Fernakk and Vali, who I'm assuming have been traveling together, meet Nar'jan? Just trying to make sure I'm not confusing how this conversation works. It's well written, and I like it! :D

Also, you might want to replace your bold scripts from <b> to [b], as that's how they work in the forum. :)
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Re: So I'm making a game...

by Yago » Sun Dec 01, 2013 8:14 pm

SilasLock wrote:Interesting. So, this is the first time Fernakk and Vali, who I'm assuming have been traveling together, meet Nar'jan? Just trying to make sure I'm not confusing how this conversation works. It's well written, and I like it! :D

Also, you might want to replace your bold scripts from <b> to [b], as that's how they work in the forum. :)


Oop, I've been writing the story in traditional HTML for easy uploading, I didn't even think about the forum's own format!

Thanks, by the way! And you're partially right, this is the morning after they rescue Nâr'jan from a wrecked wagon, so they're still getting to know each other. If you're interested, I added a link to the "whole" story.
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Re: So I'm making a game...

by Zonoro13 » Sun Dec 01, 2013 11:53 pm

Wow, that seems cool! I think that reading the story will ruin the game for me, so I'll pass.
In the beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
-Terry Pratchett

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Re: So I'm making a game...

by Yago » Mon Dec 02, 2013 11:28 am

Zonoro13 wrote:Wow, that seems cool! I think that reading the story will ruin the game for me, so I'll pass.


Oh don't worry, I wouldn't publish it if the game's release was certain :D Besides, the chapters I uploaded only go as far as the first boss battle. So it's like an extensive demo version!
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Re: So I'm making a game...

by TheRealDungeonGamer » Thu Dec 05, 2013 3:06 am

Sounds interesting...
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