KR Universe: Heroes

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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by SilasLock » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:54 am

MechaNecromancer wrote:Yes, people do.Like me post on this thread, before the complaint about people ignoring me.


If you look at it that way, then Leo got ignored too. I read both your posts, but since I didn't have anything to say about them, I just read without saying anything.

Don't worry about it, Mecha. We're not ignoring you, we're just not responding specifically to what you said. You still contributed, and we still heard your voice. It happens to everyone.

Heck, sometimes I feel ignored when I post a new thread in suggestions and no one says anything. The only thing to do is drum up what conversation you can until the people reading can connect with what you say. It might take awhile, but there's no other way. :)
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by MechaNecromancer » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:56 am

Not only in this thread,but,thats ok.I am awesome anyway.
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by SilasLock » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:57 am

MechaNecromancer wrote:Not only in this thread,but,thats ok.I am awesome anyway.


Engage Giangrymon mode, now!

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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by RaZoR LeAf » Wed Sep 11, 2013 3:55 pm

deoxsis12 wrote:I'm also going to use one of the made up heroes. Who do you guys think it should be?


You need to decide that. There are too many made up heroes here, and everybody is going to suggest their favourite.
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by deoxsis12 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 7:06 pm

I guess I'll use Longbane, he is pretty cool.



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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by deoxsis12 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 11:41 pm

I'm not done, but some of the prolouge is here.

I didnt have enough time to finish, but it will be here soon!
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by deoxsis12 » Thu Sep 12, 2013 1:12 am

Done with the prolouge and chapter 1!
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by Cheesecake » Thu Sep 12, 2013 2:44 am

...So, are you just writing KRF as a story?
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by SilasLock » Thu Sep 12, 2013 5:17 am

Well, its decent, but you have deviated from the KR canon. First and foremost, in the actual game Alric returned to Hammerhold from some kind of expedition and found it under attack, not that he was a commander and went outside to defend the walls.

Also, your chapters are extremely short, perhaps a paragraph long each, and could easily be lengthened by describing things in more detail. For example, let's look at this line here.

deoxsis12 wrote:They overwhelmed him and were about to kill him, but then a miracle arose.


This sentence is quite boring. Describe the battle blow by blow, and also describe subtle things about the main character; the sweat on his brow distracting him from the fight, the exact feelings that arise in him when he uses his power for the first time, etc. You also need to get rid of some passive voice. To do this in the simplest way possible, find any sentence with the words "was (verb)ing" and change it into the word "(verb)ed." This gives writing a better tone and feel, and while there are other ways to remove unnecessary passive voice, this is the best and easiest I know of.

Like a lot of writing, your's has potential - it just needs a lot of work. :)
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by deoxsis12 » Thu Sep 12, 2013 10:58 am

I can try to fix most of it, but I had to cut chapter 1 short because I didn't have enough time. I get home late from practice, homework, got to take a shower, AND then get to check the forums. Like I said on another topic, I will be a little bit less active. I'm not leaving though. I have no reason whatsoever to leave.
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by SilasLock » Sat Sep 14, 2013 1:56 am

deoxsis12 wrote:I can try to fix most of it, but I had to cut chapter 1 short because I didn't have enough time. I get home late from practice, homework, got to take a shower, AND then get to check the forums. Like I said on another topic, I will be a little bit less active. I'm not leaving though. I have no reason whatsoever to leave.


Ooh, that's a lot of stuff. I have a similar situation, sympathies. :)
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Re: KR Universe: Heroes

by deoxsis12 » Sat Sep 14, 2013 2:09 am

I'm gonna do chapter 2 tomorrow, and it WILL BE FUN :mrgreen:
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