KR Universe: Heroes

[SilasLock]

Yes, people do.Like me post on this thread, before the complaint about people ignoring me.

If you look at it that way, then Leo got ignored too. I read both your posts, but since I didn't have anything to say about them, I just read without saying anything.

Don't worry about it, Mecha. We're not ignoring you, we're just not responding specifically to what you said. You still contributed, and we still heard your voice. It happens to everyone.

Heck, sometimes I feel ignored when I post a new thread in suggestions and no one says anything. The only thing to do is drum up what conversation you can until the people reading can connect with what you say. It might take awhile, but there's no other way.

[MechaNecromancer]

Not only in this thread,but,thats ok.I am awesome anyway.

[SilasLock]

Not only in this thread,but,thats ok.I am awesome anyway.

Engage Giangrymon mode, now!

[RaZoR LeAf]

I'm also going to use one of the made up heroes. Who do you guys think it should be?

You need to decide that. There are too many made up heroes here, and everybody is going to suggest their favourite.

[deoxsis12]

I guess I'll use Longbane, he is pretty cool.



STAY TUNED

[deoxsis12]

I'm not done, but some of the prolouge is here.

I didnt have enough time to finish, but it will be here soon!

[deoxsis12]

Done with the prolouge and chapter 1!

[Cheesecake]

...So, are you just writing KRF as a story?

[SilasLock]

Well, its decent, but you have deviated from the KR canon. First and foremost, in the actual game Alric returned to Hammerhold from some kind of expedition and found it under attack, not that he was a commander and went outside to defend the walls.

Also, your chapters are extremely short, perhaps a paragraph long each, and could easily be lengthened by describing things in more detail. For example, let's look at this line here.

They overwhelmed him and were about to kill him, but then a miracle arose.

This sentence is quite boring. Describe the battle blow by blow, and also describe subtle things about the main character; the sweat on his brow distracting him from the fight, the exact feelings that arise in him when he uses his power for the first time, etc. You also need to get rid of some passive voice. To do this in the simplest way possible, find any sentence with the words "was (verb)ing" and change it into the word "(verb)ed." This gives writing a better tone and feel, and while there are other ways to remove unnecessary passive voice, this is the best and easiest I know of.

Like a lot of writing, your's has potential - it just needs a lot of work.

[deoxsis12]

I can try to fix most of it, but I had to cut chapter 1 short because I didn't have enough time. I get home late from practice, homework, got to take a shower, AND then get to check the forums. Like I said on another topic, I will be a little bit less active. I'm not leaving though. I have no reason whatsoever to leave.

[SilasLock]

I can try to fix most of it, but I had to cut chapter 1 short because I didn't have enough time. I get home late from practice, homework, got to take a shower, AND then get to check the forums. Like I said on another topic, I will be a little bit less active. I'm not leaving though. I have no reason whatsoever to leave.

Ooh, that's a lot of stuff. I have a similar situation, sympathies.

[deoxsis12]

I'm gonna do chapter 2 tomorrow, and it WILL BE FUN