Hero: Burden the Innocent

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Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Sat Jun 06, 2015 6:16 pm

Burden, the Innocent:
Burden the Innocent is a very young (~10) male Twilight Elf. He has short cut white hair, and wears some of the armour and cape of a Harasser, which are comically large for him, alongside some tattered grey shorts, which emphasise his light purple skin tone. He is clutching the continent destroying book of Baj'Nimen In both hands, and wispy black and purple smoke drifts out from time to time between its pages.

Stats: (Level 4 Level 10 Gain per level)
Health: 200 350 25
Armour: None (0%) Low (30%) 5%
Damage: Burden opens the book and reads it, occasionally flicking a page over, causing a light purple magic orb like those of Baj'Nimen to fall upon his target, dealing 23-38 50-65 3.3 single-target Magic damage every 2 seconds. When switching to melee he slams the glowing book shut and bashes enemies with it, with the same damage and time interval as at range.
Speed: Fast (closes the book and runs to the area, his overly large cape billowing behind him.)
Respawn: 12 seconds. Upon death he puts the book on the ground jumps into it, and it closes. When he respawns, it opens, he jumps out, and he picks it up to begin anew.
Innates:
Absorption: Burden is occasionally immune to magic damage, as 1/3 of enemy magical attacks are drawn into the book.
Arachnophobia: Burden is an arachnophobe, and his fear manifests through the book, the light purple glow of his attacks replaced by a darker shade bordering on black, causing him to deal true damage and recharge his powers 150% as fast when spiders are near.
Paper Chase: Burden can reach impassable areas by jumping into the book and moving as a whirl of pages over gaps and canyons, allowing him to reach areas such as the Island on Arcane Quarters. He moves as fast as his run speed while doing this.

Powers:
White Pages (Passive): Reading pages made out of the magical Sleeping Trees, Burden learns new magical powers, giving his ranged attacks a 2.5/5/10% stun chance (like the white tree's power), a 2.5/5/10% chance of dealing double damage (complete with the "BLAST!" animation) and a 2.5/5/10% chance of attacks dealing the same damage to nearby enemies as a Sylvan Curse. (While these can occur on the same attack, the Sylvan Curse does not spread the Stun or Double Damage to the enemies it hits.) In melee, these effects are replaced, and instead the book draws in the power and desires of an enemy over 8 seconds, causing his ranged attacks to become streaks of wispy black magic that dissipate as they hit the ground for 12/24/36 seconds, granting a 10/20/30% chance of instakill, disintegrating enemies into similar wispy shadows.
Problem Shared (32 seconds): Burden shows the book to any single enemy or 400/600/800 health worth of enemies, disintegrating them and dealing either 12.5/18.75/25% of the enemy's health, or 50/100/200 as area magic damage, whichever is larger. If used on a magic enemy (Blighter, Scourger, Breeder, Evoker, Zealot, Heretic, Arachinomancer, Blood Ogre, Ogre Magi or Dark Spitter) it deals this area damage again a few seconds later.
Mutual Torment (18 seconds): Links the strongest enemy on the map with 25/33/50% of their health worth of random enemies, each party taking 125/150/200% the damage dealt to the other. Affected enemies have a purple Sylvan curse icon under their feet.
Mischievous Charm (14 seconds): Burden rips a page out of his book and makes it into a paper aeroplane, which he throws at an enemy, dealing 50/100/150 physical/physical/true damage to a single target, and creating a random area effect including: any of the Sorcerer's Stone powers; poisoning/burning in an area (both 10 dps for 5 seconds), an additional 50 true damage, teleporting down the path, silencing for 5 seconds, stunning for 5 seconds and summoning a Bookwyrm for 8 seconds.
Hero Spell: BookWyrm (40 seconds): 1/1/2/3 smaller versions of Baj'Nimen's wyrm crawl out of the book for 25 seconds with 300/400/500/600 health each, dealing 20-30/30-45/50-65/75-100 damage with 20/40/60% Armour or Magic Resistance. At level 3 he summons the purple worm we know, which has magic resistance, a red one which has physical armour and another that is a random colour with a mixture of physical and magic resistances totalling 60%. At lower levels it is random what kinds he summons. He has a 1/25 chance of summoning an albino, with pale skin, red eyes, 750 health, 80% armour and dealing true damage.

Quotes
This is my Burden (said by him about his book, and about Burden by Lynn)
Do you want to read it? (Do you want to hold it- said by the character Errand, this hero's inspiration, to pretty much anyone)
I don't wanna be scared anymore (The Sixth Sense- said by the "I see dead people" kid)
Lets hope I'm good at peace too (A shortening of a quote from Ender in Ender's game.)
Yeaugh! Spiders! (If spiders are near and Arachnophobia is active)
I want you to read with me! (About enemies, the player, and Lynn in response to "what do you want errand boy?")
Don't judge things by their covers! (or something similar- or more akin to "don't judge a book by it's movie"
Ever After... (Death quote)


Lynn also has "No, this is a vorpal sword" in response to Malicia asking Reg'son: "Is that a Vorpal Sword?"

Unknowing and unquestioning, Burden was stolen away to Duredhel after his magic was discovered at a young age to be trained in dark arts by Twilight Sorcerers. Having received Ainyl's orders to expand their Arcane ranks, the Arch-Scourger oversaw the snatching of strays and orphans and their subsequent training, hoping for Burden and the boys similar to him to eventually become Heretics, however the dual realisations that Burden's innate powers were incompatible with any of those known, even to Ainyl, and that he had been stolen from a family - preventing him from the emotional disconnection all Heretics must possess, brought great shame to the Arch-Scourger, which she could not allow to become known, delivering the boy to a trusted graduate of her to be rid of him.
Lynn had been taught personally by the Arch-Scourger in the art of runes, and combined with her illicit midnight-smithing studies at the Waning Forge, was beginning to formulate her own combination of Hexes, Runes and Curses to amplify the powers of her magical blade. She had taken up residence close to the Sorcerer's Spires, near to both a wealth of Magical knowledge and the Forge that had created and now tempered her Greatblade, but was normally left in privacy by her ex-Tutor, and therefore was surprised when she arrived with a small, wide-eyed boy, and the orders to kill him covertly. Lynn had killed before, and would again - she had been formulating ideas for the Marshal's Fatal Tourney when Burden was delivered to her - but never like this. There was an unquantifiable air around Burden, and she could do no ill will towards him, nor entertain the thought, despite preparing to kill others like her in order to gain the favour of the Dark Marshal Baj'Nimen, and instead become greatly attached to him, moving him out from any jurisdiction of the Arch-Scourger by hiding him in the near-abandoned libraries of the Fortress. Despite worrying about her prowess before the Tourney, she devoted time to teaching Burden to read and write, the first skills he had taken to naturally in the weeks since his arrival, but fortunately he took to them voraciously and was rarely seen without a book in his hands. After winning the Tourney and gaining new prestige as the Bodyguard of the Dark Marshal, Lynn's orders that the Ancient Libraries be forbidden to those without permits - which the Arch-Scourger guarded ferociously - were taken as law, and Burden was left in peace, learning from Tomes lost from time and memory.

Years Later, after Malicia had failed in her attempts to control the Tear Of Elynie, the remaining Twilight Elves were distraught, with the Sorcerers in disarray due to the loss of Ainyl, the Arch-Scourger, and most of their Acolytes. Desperate to the point of going against the orders of the Hexblade herself, an Evoker snuck into the libraries that had been supposedly abandoned, ignoring the simple bedding, food debris and strewn books indicating Burden's presence, moving directly into the Unstable Wings to seek out the knowledge so potent it warped the dimensions around which it was written. Drawn to a large, imposing tome lying on the floor, she was so Enthralled that she ignored the plate of hot food next to it, the teleport energy residue and the marker halfway into its pages, to open the cover a fraction, the immense powers disintegrating her instantly and leaving not a trace. The unique energy signature caused Baj'Nimen himself to investigate, finding Burden, who had teleported back to his food having returned to the kitchens to steal a spoon, reading the lethal pages that had been hidden to the unworthy for so long. Enthralled by the powers he could feel merely from standing near to the open book, he knew he must use and manipulate it's power at any cost.
However, the knowledge did not come to him freely, and he was unable to purify its effects - his Black Tears infamously left goo in place of their victims, enough for intimidation but not as refined as that which Burden could easily conjure, while left no indication anything had ever stood before the Book's wrath. Growing increasingly angry, Baj'Nimen had extracted enough - impure, yet powerful Tears, a Wyrm drawn out from between pages, originating in some godforsaken place, and a spell that rest easily upon his lips, a spell which could exact his revenge. He would just have to complete his plans and he would be done. Burden would be of not use to him then, allowing the Manic Dictator hegemony over the Books powers.
But that was not to be.
Now that he has been freed from the manic dictator's influence, Burden follows Lynn into the world with wide, analytic eyes, but he still has the determination and survival instincts of any Twilight Elf, alongside an arsenal of Eldritch and embargoed dark magic, tamed only by his huge heart and open mind.


Overall playstyle: Burden focuses on dealing gargantuan amounts of damage to single targets and groups alike, while an array of beneficial secondary effects randomly tigger from his powers and attacks, amplifying him to create carnage. While his melee damage is the same as his ranged, it is unsustainable for long persons due to his squishy nature, but with the new feature of his passive, brief periods of melee combat are returned with an unheard-of passive instakill chance, providing a benefit to keen micromanagement in order to keep the passive running.
Last edited by The Kingmaker on Thu May 18, 2017 9:55 pm, edited 10 times in total.
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by Big Bad Bug » Sat Jun 06, 2015 7:13 pm

I really like the setup to this hero. The concept alone is outstanding, as I think heroes with massive extremeties are really fascinating. His backstory is great, and his secondaries are pretty cool.

The abilities themselves aren't comparably exceptional, however. The whole thing about him crying and raining down dark magic actually made me chuckle at it because it was so over the top. I think he'd have benefitted more by being a glass cannon, with decent regular attacks and abilities that are immensely powerful, but also risky. Instead, half of his ability slots are taken up by passives, and while I think the first one is fine because it adds that percentage chance of doing AOE damage, the second one is just a defence boost, something quite rarely needed for a mage, and he already has more health than Arivan and Vez'nan, not to mention armour. If more focus was put on him dealing damage in creative ways, and his powers meshed together to create a playstyle, he would be outstanding.

As of now, the concept alone makes him my favourite hero of yours thus far, but there's room for improvement. Try to write up a paragraph explaining how his playstyle works like I do with my heroes, it helps create a focus on the skills and will show some of the problems that could've been missed otherwise, so that you can go back and revise things. :)
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Sun Jun 07, 2015 7:22 am

:o Thank You!

The concept is not totally mine, a innocent boy holding the MacGuffin Plot device was in a book I read, but I changed it alot.

The reason for the defensive passive and lack of coherent playstyle was that I changed him partway through, he was intially just going to be melee, hitting enemies with the book in self defence, but I thought he was too weak, so I gave him another passive to help him defend himself.

Now he is more of a mage, and as such I will change the abilities and some stats.

Thank you for your feedback, it is good to know I am doing some things right! :)
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Sun Jun 07, 2015 12:19 pm

Updated with different skills and an overall playstyle. I assume he is incredible OP with high Ranged and melee damage, which I will probably need to nerf, and the 500 true damage may be too much.
Please continue to leave feedback.
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by Big Bad Bug » Sun Jun 07, 2015 1:38 pm

His abilities are so cool now that the OP nature of him is alright. :mrgreen:

The reason why these skills work in my opinion is because they all have a sort of hidden relationshio between them. I may be underestimating you, but I think this was accidental. These skills have so many effects on them that each ability used creates bedlam on the battelfield, and most of the time it will be so hard to keep track of what's happened to the enemies that it's better just to move on and keep fighting, staying out of the know. Because of that, we feel the struggle of Burden, because his book holds a power that it beyond comprehension for most, so the powers it has are confusing for everyone. We don't quite know what to expect from the book, but that's exactly how Burden himself does, and it creates a connection between players and the hero like no other.

If this actually was intentional, then you may be the greatest member of the Fanfiction forum yet.
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by Finwer » Sun Jun 07, 2015 1:54 pm

Amazing hero Kingmaker. I really like the story and the paper plane ability.Just imagine a tiny plane hitting a huge enemy and taking half of this HP,it would be priceless :lol:
I would like to see some quotes thou,like him saying "Spiders!!!" or "Go away!!!" when,of course,he meets some spiders.And maybe some quotes linking him and Lynn?
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Sun Jun 07, 2015 3:45 pm

Thank You! It was in no way intentional but I'm glad it is there anyway. :lol: And yeah the small thing of tiny plane hitting an enemy was a sort of nod to how you shouldn't underestimate the small guy.

Please leave some recommendations for more quotes/improving the current ones.

While researching for quotes, I noticed that Lynn has a quote "What do you want Errand Boy?" So this is awkward but useful as Errand is the character I based Burden off. (Problem shared is based on how he offers the WMMD (Weapon of Magical Mass Destruction) to anyone, despite the fact the it will obliterate them when it touches them) This reminds me, in your opinion, after the buffs, is Lynn worth purchasing? I love the Twilight Elves, but all I heard was that she was underpowered so with a high price tag.

Thanks guys.
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Fri Dec 23, 2016 2:37 pm

The last post here was a year and a half ago about half a month after I joined the forum. This is the first hero I ever made and I'm very proud of him.

I've edited some aspects and freshened up others and I'd love some feedback from the all-new-all-different BBB, amongst others
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by Ninja » Fri Dec 23, 2016 11:15 pm

You know, I think that Burden vs Lazarus would be a more aesthetically pleasing and fitting fight than Derwydd vs Lazarus.

I'll go ahead and review this hero tomorrow (or maybe tonight). :)
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Mon Jan 02, 2017 10:15 pm

Ninja wrote:You know, I think that Burden vs Lazarus would be a more aesthetically pleasing and fitting fight than Derwydd vs Lazarus.

I'll go ahead and review this hero tomorrow (or maybe tonight). :)


Cough.

I've update his base damage and attack rate, and re-done the White Pages passive with a possibly ridiculous, but risky buff. Playstyle guide has been updated correspondingly.
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by Ninja » Tue Jan 03, 2017 5:33 am

Sorry. I forget things sometimes. :P

With relatively low HP, some armor but not a ridiculous amount, and high DPS (especially with spiders :twisted:), his stats bode well for a glass cannon. I also like his innates; they're really cool. :)

The first part of his first power is unimpressive, since only a 10% chance combined with his slow reload speed on normal attacks makes it ineffective. I actually think it would be fine if the Sylvan Curse effect could spread the stunning and DD effects and the percents were increased by 2 or 3 percentiles. On the other hand, though, the second part of the ability is pretty OP, and kind of balances out the UPness of the first part with how powerful it is. But I think that it's a much better choice to balance both parts of the ability, rather than making one part frustratingly bad, and having the other part be stupidly broken to "balance" it out. So, I think you should change the instakill chance on the second part of the ability to 5/10/15%, and implement the aforementioned changes to the first bit.

Problem Shared is a great skill. I like the bonus after the disintegration to make it stand out among other AoE instakills. However, there is one problem, which is that if he shows the book to any single enemy, he won't get the AoE bonus, which means that most players wouldn't want to use it on single large enemies. At first glance, this isn't a problem, but when reflecting upon it, one sees that this means that about half of the magical enemies mentioned will almost never have this used on them, since it would most likely reduce the effectiveness of the attack. Because of this, I think you should add an effect that leaves a curse mark on the ground where singular enemies were instakilled, which explodes and deals 400 (at max. level) area magic damage when a group of 3 or more enemies walks into its detection range.

Mutual Torment is awesome and balanced. No other comments, really. Good job! :hero:

I would really the enjoy watching the animations for Mischievous Charm, and it seems pretty balanced. The only change I would make is to change the silencing to last for 10 seconds, since it's obviously weaker than an AoE stun that lasts for 5 seconds.

BookWyrm is an awesome, awesome, awesome skill! It has great aesthetic appeal, cool effects, and is refreshingly simple while also stunningly awesome. :yey:

Burden's quotes are nice, his backstory is intriguing, his appearance is good, and his skills are great. Overall, he's an amazing hero who is truly worthy of Kingdom Rush, and only needs a couple of tweaks to be perfectly balanced. Nice work, Kingmaker. :mrgreen:

(One thing, though. I like the new quote that Lynn gets, but it's kind of strange to think about when she would say it. Does she pop onto the screen and say it if you're using Reg'son, or does she just say it to no one in particular [since Malicia won't ask that if Lynn's being used, as we all know] when you're playing with her herself?)
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Tue Jan 03, 2017 8:56 am

Like you said, the percentages in the passive are really the only issue I have myself at the moment. I'm sure they'll be a happy medium in the numbers somewhere. I'm also annoyed with myself because I wanted the buff from sending him into melee to be new and exciting, but instead it's just instakill a.

There is the minimum damage in problem shared, in that it disintegrates a single enemy, or a group up to 800 at max. Because of this, it will always deal 200 as the area damage (25%) if used on groups in a hypothetical and perfect scenario, thus the fact it says 25% and the 200 is only there as insurance, means it will deal more than that when used against any enemy of greater than 800 health. I do see where you are coming from however. Perhaps the minimum or percentage should be increase or changed a little

Is an area 5s silence weaker than an area 5s stun?
Idk about Lynn's quote to be honest.

Thank you thank you thank you!
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by Ninja » Tue Jan 03, 2017 10:50 pm

The Kingmaker wrote:Like you said, the percentages in the passive are really the only issue I have myself at the moment. I'm sure they'll be a happy medium in the numbers somewhere. I'm also annoyed with myself because I wanted the buff from sending him into melee to be new and exciting, but instead it's just instakill a.

There is the minimum damage in problem shared, in that it disintegrates a single enemy, or a group up to 800 at max. Because of this, it will always deal 200 as the area damage (25%) if used on groups in a hypothetical and perfect scenario, thus the fact it says 25% and the 200 is only there as insurance, means it will deal more than that when used against any enemy of greater than 800 health. I do see where you are coming from however. Perhaps the minimum or percentage should be increase or changed a little


Good.
Also, it seems as though I haven't fully expressed myself. I actually find the instakill bonus really cool, so it's still good. Nothing to be annoyed about. :)

Oh, I know all that. What I'm saying is that the aftershock AoE effect probably won't be useful at all, since the ability was used on a single target in the first place, and one cannot expect a group of enemies to come roaming through a few seconds later much of the time. This might mask the ability's potential versus greater enemies, and thus accidentally deceive players into only using the ability on groups of weaklings.

The Kingmaker wrote:Is an area 5s silence weaker than an area 5s stun?
Idk about Lynn's quote to be honest.

Thank you thank you thank you!


Yes, in fact it is significantly weaker IMO.
OK. :lol:

You're welcome! Thank you for valuing my input. :D
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by Big Bad Bug » Wed Jan 04, 2017 1:39 am

Ninja wrote:You know, I think that Burden vs Lazarus would be a more aesthetically pleasing and fitting fight than Derwydd vs Lazarus.

I'll go ahead and review this hero tomorrow (or maybe tonight). :)


I'm ok if you want to nominate previous entries for another contest, so long as it doesn't block out new entries. ;)

Now, unto Kingmaker's latest rendition of Burden: I like White Pages a lot, as the chance is low without being completely unviable and it has a strong effect. One would never want to try to get it to activate because it's too rare, but having it occur is a pleasant surprise and a welcome aid in battle. Problem Shared is far stronger on single targets than on groups, since the percentage of health as an AOE is higher and actually triggers against surrounding enemies, unlike when the group is instakilled and the AOE is wasted. It gives a feeling satisfaction to use it in the best way possible, similar to landing Hexfury on a cursed enemy for the bonus damage. At the same time, though, it's immensely OP since it is stronger than Eldritch Doom but doesn't require gold to have and you can carry your hero to use it anywhere on the map, unlike the immobile Wild Magus

Mutual Torment, as I take it, will occur from anywhere on the map as long as Burden is alive. There's not that much control over it since the other enemies are random and you don't move Burden to pick them. It adds to the chaos aspect since you have to adapt to the situation (sort of like Kahz suddenly teleporting an enemy to him) and try to make the most of it, giving an excuse for it to be OP. I can deal with that. :)

Aeroplane is another skill like that, and I also enjoy it. I think you can go all the way with it and have some effects that are just better than others, but more so than they already are. That would really add to the chaotic nature of the hero and make him all the more dedicated to that playstyle.

Finally, Ninja has summed up all of my remaining thoughts on the Hero Spell. Well done!

Ultimately, Burden is a really solid and layered hero. I can tell how much effort you put into developing this aesthetic and feeling of mayhem. I'm glad that he has more than one chaotic, adapting skill like this because it doesn't feel as gimmicky anymore. Instead, it's really his playstyle, which takes lots of quick thinking to maximize his potential, and I like that. It matches with the idea of a mysterious book that can cause any sort of unexpected trouble that everyone around it has to be prepared for. Nothing's ever been like this before, and for the first time (unless you count the original post of this hero, but it wasn't attempting this before), it's really cool!
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Wed Jan 04, 2017 7:14 am

Thanks again BBB,

Although perhaps just a little argument to three points I noticed:

I didn't want to make the instakill too much. Too high and Burden as a hero is constantly just out of melee and instakilling waves. Too little and, as you say, it doesn't turn up but it's nice when it's there.
Also just a little balancing for Muthal tormen and Probelm Shared, because I don't want the cool nature of the powers to have to excuse them for their op mess, I want to cool nature to be what elevates these abalnced powers.
I think less damage or a higher cooldown on Problem Shared
And maybe a little less on Mutual Tormebt.
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Re: Hero: Burden the Innocent

by The Kingmaker » Thu May 18, 2017 9:56 pm

Small bumpety-bump.
I've changed some formatting and fleshed out lore a little.
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