Manijure wrote:My wounds fully healed, I listen to JB as she converses with her comrades regarding Dream Eater, accurately deducting my undying love for the franchise that is Pokemon (although they probably looked it up on Bulbapedia). So they have learned my friend's strategy and countered it with more gauntlets... I am not worried. Even though Dream Eater cannot attack JB's dreams... yet, he is a valuable spy. I hear them discuss their plans to storm my well-fortified lair with amusement.
"Let them come!" I say to myself. "There is still one bad bad wizard who still draws breath!"
I prepare for the impending attack, chuckling at the Lord of the Rings reference I made.
"So what's your plan?" Malfie asks me through our comms.
"Find his base," I say. "Hit him 'til he stops moving."
"Those aren't plans, those are goals."
"Man, shut the heck up. I got this."
"No, you don't, Juice. Do you even know where his base is?"
"Don't worry, that Fab informant of ours gave me the
exact coordinates."
"Which are?"
"... Well, it's on Google Maps..."
Too loudly, I hear Malfie sigh. "Sometimes I wonder why you're the Master Champion. Open your backpack."
I fumble to my backpack, something Malfie gave me before I left, which I had never bothered to open because lol why would I need it when I'm the MCCMCEQMC? But whatever, I open it up and find a strange blue map, small explosives rigged to a detonator and a strange remote device.
"So, Malf, the map's schematics to Manijure's lair?"
"Yup."
I scan the map and find a single room, larger than all the others. "What's this room for? Is this his evil meeting room for all his evil councilmen and executives? Or maybe his torture room for all his captive prisoners? Or his biotechnological room where he experiments on human subjects to further his own dreaded power?"
"It's his Pokemon stash."
"Oh, God..." I gag, straining and forcing myself not to puke. Gotta keep my focus on the triple digits.
"So, anyways," Malfie continues. "The explosives are there just in case things go bad. The remote is a teleporter with built-in charges. We got a safe house some place
reaaal far from here, and it nullifies teleporting capabilities other than our own. Some of our operatives are waiting there for your arrival--it should make fighting real easier if you bring him there. What you should do is teleport to his base to bypass all the mumbo jumbo he set up, grab him, then teleport to the safe house."
"That's a good idea, Malf," I say. "It's a good thing I thought of it."
"What? No, Juice, I--ugh, whatever. The teleporter's charges are limited. You've only got enough to teleport
in, then teleport out. If you don't manage to pull that off, the lair's defensive mechanisms will activate and you'll die."
"Why didn't you just give me two teleporters, then?"
"Because you're, quote-unquote, 'the all-mighty queen who does not need your silly nerd gadgets, fool-mortal.'"
"Oh, right. Of course. Welp, better get to it. Talk to ya later, MILF."
"I hate you."
I arrive at the outskirts of his base, and because I cannot think of anything more to write, I waste no more time and immediately use the teleporter. Suddenly I'm taken inside the giant Pokemon room, and see Manijure playing with little Charizard and Pikachu action figures. To my utter (lack of) surprise, I of course also find a shrine dedicated to me inside the room, with pictures and kissy-faces, because even my worst enemies are madly in love with me. Obviously.
"Pikachu," Manijure says, "I choose youuuuuooooaaaaahhh, what are you doing here!? GUARDS!"
"What? Oh, SURPRISE, MOTHERFUCKUH." I tackle him while he is distracted, wrapping both arms around him as I pin him to the ground. Such close contact with such an utterly beautiful girl makes his face go completely red.
"The shrine's cool, by the way," I say as he remains pinned on the ground. "Thanks for that."
Then I click the teleporter.
With Manijure still in my arms, I suddenly find myself in a small house in what appears to be a desert area. The two Superhuman operatives--Pete and Repeat--were nonchalantly lying around as I appeared, and the sudden alarm brings them to their feet.
"Whoa! She's here!" Pete says to his sister.
"What? Who's here?" Repeat says to her brother.
"Her! She's here!"
"Oh! She's here!"
"Hit the other guy in the face!"
Just as Manijure gets up, he is immediately met by Repeat's panicking right fist, and he is sent flying out of the house, leaving a large hole in the wall as he rams into it.
"Oops." Repeat says. "Hi, Juice!"
"OMG REPEAT GHUURRRRRL HAO U DOIN :3"
"We's all chill-chill. That the guy we have to beat up?"
"Yup."
Beside Repeat, her brother smiles. "All right," he says, stretching neck and cracking knuckles. "Let's get to it."