Tristana continues staring in awe at the giant being in front of her. She lowers her gun, Boomer, to signify that she is no threat, though she herself knows that's not a very good idea--this brute could very easily find killing her as amusing as killing that Reaper. Nevertheless, she continues.
"Look, I..." Tristana says, putting her hands in the air. "I don't want any trouble."
"GRARRbrainsarblarbll..."
"Oh, not very literate are you?"
Kazak, very slowly, points its bulky figures at Tristana. "Little... SHMUURRRF!!"
"What? No! I'm not a--"
Just then, the giant brute wraps its arms around Tristana.
"Gyaaahaha! Smurfie smurf! Smurfy blue smurf smuuurf!!" It declares in its hulking voice.
"No! Let--go of me, brute!"
But Kazak pays no heed to the little Yordle's demands, and eventually mounts her ontop of his back, carrying her around while singing the
Smurf theme song, on his way to God-knows-where.
Tristana the
Smurf Yordle complains the entire time, unable to break free of the brute's grasp, when suddenly, two seemingly teenage-looking girls--one brunette and one redhead--come sprinting in their general direction, as if running away from something.
"Hey--hey!" Tristana yells for the attention of the two girls, then slaps Kazak in the head. "Let me down,
really this time. We need to figure out who they are!"
Kazak, whimpering from being slapped by his beloved
smurf yordle, sets her down on the ground. "Ugh,
thank you," she says as she readies Boomer.
The two women come close enough that both Kazak and Tristana can now hear what they're yelling aloud. It appears to be... some sort of chant. Tristana listens in more detail in order to discern what they are saying, until she figures out the words...
"What the fuck what the fuck what the FUUUUUUUCK."
The two women repeat this in startling detail as they spot both Tristana and Kazak. Shocked, they attempt to break off of their sprint, but end up stumbling on each other, oomphing and what-the-fucking along the way, until they both slam on the ground directly below the two.
One of them--the brunette--recovers, and raises her head to look at Tristana. "Ummm," the Smurfordle says, lowering Boomer. Kazak readies himself protectively. "Who...?"
Tristana looks intently at the brunette, studying her face. She is pale, with wide green eyes and distinct features. She pats her redhead friend on the shoulder, nudging her to look at the Smurfordle, as well. The redhead acknowledges, and Tristana gets a good look of her, too: flaming red hair and dark eyes contradicting her much fairer, tamer skin. She wonders what these two (most amazingly gorgeousest) women must be doing in a land like Linirea--they don't look like commoners, after all. Perhaps they are mega-supermodels in a far-away, modern world? Or perhaps super-secret agent spies who utilize, like many others like them, their dramatically unrealistic good looks to aid themselves in their missions? Or perhaps, dare she think so, they are but two normal (yet incredibly beautiful) women just trying to get by?
"R--Repeat..." the brunette whispers slowly to her friend. "Repeat, it's..."
"It's... it's..." the redhead replies just as slowly, then all at once: "IT'S A SMURF!!"
"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!" The two women, in lightning-fast speed, immediately get up and grab Tristana, squealing in delight and ignoring the Smurfordle's complaints as they do so. The terror in their faces just seconds ago seems to have disappeared entirely, replaced with complete over-excitement at finding a Smurf.
"Get
off of me!" The Smurfordle says.
"Yiehihihihi!!" The two women simultaneously reply.
Having just about had enough of being grabbed by bigger people, Tristana boils up in pure rage, and proceeds to
Rocket Jump out of their grasp. "WHOOOOAA!!" The two women shout as they're sent sprawling. Tristana lands on the ground nearby, completely unscathed. She's done this thousands of times before, against enemies who were actually intent on harming her, but she admits she may have overdone it this time--the two girls are beside each other and groaning on the ground, black gunpowder on their faces, several strands of their hair and clothes burning, though they don't seem to notice. Once again, they get up, supporting each other.
"J--Juice..." The redhead says, wide-eyed but recovering as she slowly sits up. "Juice, the smurf..."
"It... it..." The brunette replies. "It can
TAAAALK!!""Yiehihihi!!"
"NNNOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Smurfordle attempts to run away but falls prey to the two girls' immense speed. Once again, they wrap her in their grasp.
"Let's name her Smurfie!" Says the brunette.
"No let's name her Smurfina!" Says the redhead.
"No wait let's name her Smurfette!" Says the brunette again.
"Get--get off of me--" the Smurfordle complains, but quickly realizes it's no good. These two women, strangely enough, are too strong for her. She goes limp, irritation vivid in her eyes. "Ugh, I give up."
For two consecutive hours the two women and the brute--Kazak, he has introduced himself--play with the Smurfordle, passing her around like a little blue volleyball, and the little one does nothing to stop them, only visibly showing that she is not enjoying herself.
"Okay so," Repeat says, tired and finally sitting down. "We're settling on it."
"Eeeyahh," Kazak replies. "Little shmurf's name is Treenana!"
"No no, I don't like that name, Kazak," Juice Box replies. "I get that she's her own person and has a name and all, but she's also a cute little smurf and therefore I say we must name her Smurfina."
"Yeah," the redhead picks up. "I agree."
"KAZAK AGG-REE!"
"Yayyyyyy!" The two girls reply.
"Are you three
done now?" The Smurfordle butts in, lying on the ground, refusing to move in recognition of her three companions. "'Cause I'm not sure if any of you noticed, but there's a war going on, and we're supposed to stop it. Heckies, I don't even know who you three are."
"Oh, yes, of course!" Juice says. "I'm Tiffany, nickname Juice Box. This is my friend, Jesse, nickname Repeat. The cute big guy over there is Kazak! Say hi, Kazak!"
"HIIIIIIIIIII <3 <3 <3 ."
"Juice Box? Repeat? What kind of names are those?"
"Oh," Repeat picks up. "The real Juice Box--the person making this post right now--she's really sleepy and lazy and doesn't like thinking up original characters, so instead of going through all that effort, she just picks people she knows in real life and translates them into characters. The two of us, me and Juice, we're basically that. Juice is Tiffany, and I'm Jesse, her friend. She's done this in, like, all the past Slaughter Threads, I believe."
"Hmm..." The Smurfordle says. "So why are you here?"
"Oh, we found out that there was an intergalactic threat in Kingdom Rush just yesterday. So a bunch of us Superhumans uploaded ourselves into this virtual world so we can help fight. Me and Juice, we're just one of the groups they sent. I can create replicants of myself--hence the name--and I can turn my skin into any metal I touch. Juice can control the ground, plus fire and lightning."
"Woo fire!!" The brunette brightly responds in recognition.
"Okay... that--doesn't really make sense, but sure. Now why were you two running a while ago? Were you trying to get away from something?"
"Why yes, actually. Just a few hours ago we ran into these weird, pink-ish Reaper thingies with four legs and stuff. They tried to chase us and stuff so we ran away."
"Don't you think they would have reached you by now? It's been two hours."
"Well, yes, but we
are Superhuman. So we're fast and all that."
Kazak nudges his three new-found friends, then points behind them. "Friends... you say... four leggies... like that?"
The three girls turn around, and find a large group of Reapers just a few feet away from them. The pink monsters eye their new prey slowly, as if pondering which parts of them would make the most delicious meals.
"Oh, no..." Juice says. "They caught up to us."
"All right," The Smurfordle declares. "You say you're Superhuman. I know Kazak over here knows how to fight. I just hope you two do, too."
"But... but... Reapers!"
"Be quiet and stand your ground!" Tristana complains, and brandishes Boomer once. This time, she's certain, she'll be able to use it.